literature

Stupid Baby

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Literature Text

That will never happen to me.
“You’re late, baseball idiot.”
“Haha, sorry. I got back late from Tsuna’s mission.”
Gokudera growled. He crushed his cigarette against the tabletop and ignored Yamamoto’s wince at the scorch marks. The smoker lunged towards the man standing by the door. Pushing him to the bed, his hands tugged at the taller man’s belt.
“Wait...wait! Hayato! I forgot to buy protection! We used it all up two nights ago,” Yamamoto grabbed his lover’s hands to stop them from wandering.
Another little growl, “stop being such an idiot. I’m not a fucking girl! What are you so worried about? I’ll never get pregnant.”
And so, Fate comes to play. Lesson learned Gokudera Hayato. Never say never.

-

Everyone at the breakfast table winced as they heard Gokudera let out another painful wretch in the bathroom. He walked out with an annoyed face, dressed in Yamamoto’s sweatpants and shirt.
Yamamoto blinked. “Hayato...those clothes.”
The smoker would’ve spat on the floor if it wasn’t for that disapproving look on Nana’s face. “I need new clothes. They don’t fit.”
Another blink. “Huh?”
The awkward silence was interrupted – and turned sour – when Lambo, older but still tactless, blurted out, “You’re fat.”

-

Shamal rubbed his eyes and settled down his medical equipment. Under the heavy threats of the no-long-so-naïve tenth boss, he had been ordered to see what was causing the Storm Guardian of the Vongola to be so ill.
He stared at the opposite wall, over the silver hair of his ex-student. His eyes flickered to the Vongola swordsman standing near the door, ready to hear his diagnosis.
Shamal took a deep breath, “kid. You’re pregnant.”
Awkward silence.
“Get out. I think it’s about time I retire. Tell Tsuna not to bother me unless it’s of utmost importance. I will be in the Bahamas being served piña coladas by naked super models.

-

When the Vongola household was told of the joyous news, there were mixed reactions. Hibari Kyouya stood up and walked out the door, muttering something that sounded like “freaky herbivores.” Dino chased out after him, asking if Hibari would like Dino to ask Yamamoto how they did it, just incase Hibari wanted to help him bear some children too. The room winced at the familiar sound of tonfa hitting flesh before there was a slam of a body against a wall and then explicit moaning noises. Kusakabe, who was by the entrance, coughed and politely closed the door.
“Why Gokudera, no wonder you were getting fatter, kufufu” chuckled the Mist Guardian as he eyed the man’s belly.
Tsuna frowned and reprimanded him. “Mukuro, that is rude. I would congratulate you, but what is your reaction to this Yamamoto?”
Yamamoto let out his trademark grin. “Maa, maa. I think I’m going to be a very proud father.”
Gokudera never wanted smack him so much.
“I think my father will be quite delighted too.”
“Of course he’ll be! Oh this is so wonderful!” Nana, who was frozen at the news, snapped out of it, an excited smile blooming on her face. “Gokudera-kun! You are already like my second son! This is so great! Ever since I found out Tsuna was with Mukuro-kun,” her eyes flickered at the two, her son blushing lightly, but calmed as the Mist user laid a reassuring hand on the Japanese boy’s shoulder, “I was sure my dream would never come true. But finally! This is so wonderful! It’s almost like I’m going to be a grandmother!”

-

“I’m so fucking bored!”
Tsuna hadn’t given him a mission since he had announced his new dilemma. Or ‘wonderful new additional to the family’ as Nana had called it.
His fingers twitched and he scrunched up his face. The whole Vongola family had teamed up to get rid of all his cigarettes. He couldn’t even find a lighter in the base. How was he to protect himself?!
“You’ll be safe if you stay in headquarters Gokudera-kun.”
Stupid Baby.
His fingers twitched again.
He heard the sounds of doors opening and closing. He couldn’t stand it anymore.
“Gokudera! What are you doing?!”
“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?! I’M GOING THROUGH FUCKING WITHDRAWAL!! STUPID BABY!!!”
“NO GOKUDERA! LET GO OF THE KNIFE!!”

-

“So, Gokudera-kun. Have you and Yamamoto thought about it yet?”
“Thought about what? Abortion? Oh, lots of times. That damn baseball idiot never agrees. There are no more hangers in this damn base.” (1)
“N-no! I meant a name for your baby!”
Yamamoto grinned. “Ichirou.” (2)
Gokudera scowled. “How do you know it’s going to be a boy?”
“Well...I don’t really mind. I’d like a daughter too, but it’s not like two guys can make one girl right?”
“You’re an idiot. As long as you give an X chromosome to my X chromosome-”
He was interrupted before he could launch into the horrid complexity of human genetics. “Well...we can think of a name for our daughter when the time comes. But Takeshi Ichirou sounds pretty good right?”
“Who the hell said he’s going to be named after you?! Gokudera Ichirou!”
“But I’m the father!”
“Are you calling me the mother!?! Do you want to die?! I’M A GODDAMNED MAN!!! DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE BREASTS!?”
Dino, like the rest of the family who was watching the argument like a tennis match, answered him. “No.” He tilted his head to the side with an amused tone. “But even if you have a dick, you still are the pregnant one. Am I wrong,” he chuckled, “mama?”

-

“Jyuudaime! I am NOT going to a course about going through labor!”
“Yamamoto is going with you.”
“That doesn’t make it any better!”
“This is for your own good Gokudera-kun! I heard from my mother that it is horribly painful if you don’t know how to breathe correctly!”
“I am not going! This is a course for pregnant WOMEN! I am a man! I will be a man in a roomful of other pregnant ladies!”
“I had it especially arranged so you had your own private teacher.”
“Hell no. I am not going.”
“Please Gokudera-kun? Do this for me? I won’t forget this.” I’ll get whipped by my mother if I can’t get you to go.
“Jyuudaime...do you really want me to go?”
“Yes. Please.”
Damn loyalty.

-

“May the father please step up?”
Gokudera grabbed Yamamoto as the taller man stood up. “I’m the father,” he snarled.
Yamamoto chuckled and pressed his lips to his lover’s forehead. “Sorry Hayato, but you’re carrying right now. Don’t worry; I promise I’ll be back before they teach you how to breathe.”

-

“What do you want, brat? I’m a bit busy sampling exotic tropical fruit served by topless woman you know.”
“He’s not coming.”
“...what?”
“The stupid baby isn’t coming out! He was due a few days ago, I’ve been having damn contractions but he’s not coming out.”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
“I don’t know! You’re the doctor! Do something.”
Shamal sighed, and opened his mouth to accept some passion fruit. He chewed quite loudly and debated what he should say. “Go home, and ask Yamamoto to make love to you.”
“But I’m pregnant!”
“Orgasms can bring on labor during late stages of pregnancy.” (3)
Gokudera stared at his cell phone after Shamal hung up on him. He turned to Yamamoto and said bluntly, “fuck me.”

-

“OH MY GOD! MY GOD!! DAMN YOU YAMAMOTO!!”
“Breathe Hayato! Breathe!”
Gokudera clutched his lover’s hand just as tightly as the nurse clutched the doctor’s hand.
“Breathe Doctor! Breathe!”
“I’ve never done this before! How do I get a baby out of a man!?”
“Breathe Doctor! Push Gokudera-san! Push!”
“WHAT DO I PUSH FOR!?! THERE’S NO HOLE!”
“My god! Arrange a C-section!! I can’t do this!”
“...my god! Get me a stretcher! The doctor fainted!”

-

Yamamoto sat down in the chair next to his lover. “It’s finally over,” he said as he gently combed the silver locks. He trailed a gentle finger down the soft cheeks of their newborn child who Gokudera was currently holding.
“You know...my father scolded me. He said it wasn’t fair that the baby got named after you.”
Gokudera held the baby closer to his body. “What do you want to do about it?”
“Well...if we have another, we can name him or her after me!”
Gokudera gave him a withering are-you-fucking-serious look.
“Maa...I’m serious.”
“Alright.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s do it. We’ll name the baby after whoever carries it.”
“Wait! What do you-”
“What I mean is that I’ll top.” Gokudera moved in for the kill.
“Wait! Stop! Gokudera! The baby’s watching! The baby’s watching!”
Title: Stupid Baby
Theme: #2. Complicated
Rating: T
Character/Pairing: 8059, D18, 6927, everyone else
Warnings: mpreg, profanity
Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Summary: Yamamoto and Gokudera defy all the laws of science and mankind and then things get a bit complicated.
A/N: mpreg was supposed to be my penalty, but since I was joking around on MSN, illiterate-fool made me post this as my fic-a-day since I wrote half of it already. This is written in a different style than I usually use, but I’m going to blame it on the HEP B vaccine I received today.

This ended up LONG! But I really enjoyed it...I hope you did to. I’m late, I know. O wells, mpreg were my penalty anyways.

(1) Hangers can be used for a self-induced abortion. Horrible, yes I know.
(2) Name means “first born son” in Japanese.
(3) Not sure of its validity, but that was what I was told.
© 2008 - 2024 Night-Lost
Comments11
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animelover74's avatar
It was funny! I loved it!